Anxiety and me.

Anxiety and me.

So as you can proberly guess from the title I'm a mum of two,  who suffers with anxiety.
So I thought I'd tell you a little about how it effects me,  and how it started.

Up until early 2017 I was OK...  Never experienced anxiety and if I'm honest I didn't really know what it was and how it effects people...
Even though I have a 12 year old who has mild anxiety it doesn't effect him all the time and I still didn't really no about it.

Early 2017 I had a flashback and relived a very painful time from my teens that I'd blocked out after seeing a picture.
That night I had my very first panic attack,  it was actually early hrs in the morning around 2am.
Kids were in bed,  my boyfriend was asleep in bed too,  when I seen this picture...  It sent me back all them years..  I relived the very moment and time id blocked out over the years,  the smell,  the senses everything...
I couldn't stop the feeling,  every single memory I relived.

Then it started..  I couldn't breathe,  I tried to shout out for help..  But I couldn't,  I couldn't move..  I could feel and hear my breathing getting worse and worse,  my head was spinning and I felt so so crowded even tho I was alone.
Again I tried to get up,  to shout for help but nothing came out,  no sound no scream no voice.
I felt like I had so many pairs of hands pressing my chest down,  around my throat but I couldn't stop it,  my heart was beating so fast but yet I just couldn't get a grasp of air..  I actually thought shit...  This is it I'm dying..  My life flashing in front of my eyes.

Eventually I felt the hands disapearing and my breathing getting better..  The fog slowly fading and I was able to cry out for help.
It felt like it had been going on for hours,  but it was actually minutes...
That was the start of it...  I now suffer with anxiety and have done since that very night...
I let it take hold of me good and proper for months but since the beginning of this year I'm slowly learning to deal with it and my depression with the help of tablets,  friends,  boyfriend,  my children and a counciller.

Anxiety isn't an excuse,  it's horrible and can really take over your everyday life,  your thoughts your everything.
I plan on writing more over time about how it's effected the above for myself,  my family and my children. 
And all the things I've tried to do/use to help myself in everyday thing's in the hope it helps even just one person with the struggles you face.